Gastroparesis, in least in the way I experience it, seems so random. Today was one of those days, which are few and far between, when I have felt hungry for every meal, and am eagerly awaiting the next one. (I am making split pea soup as I write).
Although I am about to contradict that I said it is "random", I am realizing it seems that every Wednesday I am hungry. Hmmmm. . . Often Friday I have the "stuck" feeling. Hmmm, hmmm and hmmm again! What is it about Wednesdays that causes a better flow? Perhaps I can put the credit on NIA; the wonderful dance/ yoga/ exercise class I do each Wednesday morning that focuses on both the mind and the body. The way I move in that class, in circular and creative ways, is a much different movement than my usual run or walk. Or maybe I should attribute it to Mike's music from the night before: Tuesday nights I go watch my talented husband either play the drums or vibraphone at a local coffee shop; a relaxing and mindless activity. Or perhaps I feel good on Wednesday as it is "hump day" and I have made it through half of the work week. But then this would not make sense as to why, often on Fridays, my stomach feels "stuck". An overload from the week? Are there trends other days? I would also generalize that Saturdays and Mondays are more likely to be "stuck" days while Sundays seem to be better "flowing". This is odd, and how much is this completely random, and how much is the likelihood there are patterns?
This all being said you may see why is is difficult to explain to people what I can eat. Wednesdays I may be able to have a salad dotted with colorful accouterments, or a few bites of pasta and sauce, while Friday may be veggie broth with a trace of carrots and spinach.
This is also why I am hesitant to make reservations at a restaurant, or meal plans with friends and family. I never know, until that day, what my stomach will be.
While I used to seek total control over my body when experiencing an eating disorder, I now must accept that I have little control. This is probably a good lesson for me, but certainly not easy. My personality type is more one of seeking control over things. While it is hard to see the positive aspects of gastroparesis, perhaps it is giving me the gift of flexibility.
Although I am about to contradict that I said it is "random", I am realizing it seems that every Wednesday I am hungry. Hmmmm. . . Often Friday I have the "stuck" feeling. Hmmm, hmmm and hmmm again! What is it about Wednesdays that causes a better flow? Perhaps I can put the credit on NIA; the wonderful dance/ yoga/ exercise class I do each Wednesday morning that focuses on both the mind and the body. The way I move in that class, in circular and creative ways, is a much different movement than my usual run or walk. Or maybe I should attribute it to Mike's music from the night before: Tuesday nights I go watch my talented husband either play the drums or vibraphone at a local coffee shop; a relaxing and mindless activity. Or perhaps I feel good on Wednesday as it is "hump day" and I have made it through half of the work week. But then this would not make sense as to why, often on Fridays, my stomach feels "stuck". An overload from the week? Are there trends other days? I would also generalize that Saturdays and Mondays are more likely to be "stuck" days while Sundays seem to be better "flowing". This is odd, and how much is this completely random, and how much is the likelihood there are patterns?
This all being said you may see why is is difficult to explain to people what I can eat. Wednesdays I may be able to have a salad dotted with colorful accouterments, or a few bites of pasta and sauce, while Friday may be veggie broth with a trace of carrots and spinach.
This is also why I am hesitant to make reservations at a restaurant, or meal plans with friends and family. I never know, until that day, what my stomach will be.
While I used to seek total control over my body when experiencing an eating disorder, I now must accept that I have little control. This is probably a good lesson for me, but certainly not easy. My personality type is more one of seeking control over things. While it is hard to see the positive aspects of gastroparesis, perhaps it is giving me the gift of flexibility.
You are a beautiful writer. I have enjoyed your blog. I too suffer with Gastroparesis. I relate.
ReplyDeleteThank you. That is very kind if you to say! I have been meaning to update this blog, it has been a while since I wrote. I just returned from a trip abroad. . .GP makes a vacation so hard at times. How long have you had GP and how do you manage?
DeleteTake care.
Carrie
Hello....how are you going now? It has been many years but I just come across your beautiful writing. I hope you are doing well and GP is all just a past memory.
ReplyDeleteI battle with stomach issue which I think also borderline GP....although my gastroentologist called it functional dyspepsia but bottom line is I think my stomach is not emptying at a normal rate. I'm managing better than I used to...I can so relate to everything you wrote here.