Thanksgiving 2010: Celery Soup

I love Thanksgiving. I love the idea that it brings all Americans together to share a meal, regardless of religion, race, gender, age ect. It is a time to celebrate the harvest with an abundance of food.  It is a time to be with those you care for and to realize all you have; to be thankful.

However, since suffering from Gastroparesis, I have come to have a “love-hate” relationship with this holiday. My illness desires the opposite of the idea of the large, never ending meal. With Gastroparesis, there is not always one type of food you need to avoid, as there often is with other digestive disorders. With GP, the best approach is to eat several small “meals” throughout the day.

I do not need to eat a classic Thanksgiving meal to feel that stuffed, overly full feeling. Lucky (ha ha) for me, I pretty much have that feeling after each time I eat. Not because I eat whooping servings at each meal. Rather, because my stomach can only handle small amounts at a time. Therefore, simply a single serving non-fat yogurt and ½ a banana (cooked) gives me that after-Thanksgiving-feeling.

You can see why then the Thanksgiving meal is hard for me. Luckily, I have an understanding husband and family. I have made a vow with myself that I will not let this disorder get in the way of enjoying social events. I try to make the best of it. This year for Thanksgiving I made a soup recipe I have never made before. Soup is a common food for me to eat as it digests easily, and I often lazily make the same kind. So my celery soup laced with thyme felt like a treat. This does not mean it is easy to watch others take their mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows, rolls with butter, cranberry nut sauce, green bean casserole, gravy, turkey, and turkey. While perhaps I could eat a bite of each, it seems easier to stick to one food that I know will go down. When I watch my family enjoy the pumpkin pie after, I admit that I am amazed at what a “normal” stomach can consume and frustrated at what my meager belly can fit.  

So despite my optimism, I did end up in tears this year. I hate to feel sorry for myself, as I tell myself there are people much worse off than me with life threatening diseases, or those who do not have enough food to eat. But in the moment, I just feel so angry. “Why can’t I be like everyone else?” “Will I ever enjoy a “real” Thanksgiving meal again? “How did I take it for granted back when I could eat more “normally?”

Later, as I sipped my hot cider for dessert, I calmed down. I felt thankful for the nice company of my family, for the stories we shared over the meal, for the love that went into preparing for the meal. And I am sure I will be okay,  I need to just take it day by day.