two crackers

It is almost one week after Thanksgiving. I am on week 7 of experiencing this particular bout of Gastroparesis. As I have said a thousand times before, when this episode began back in mid- October, I had no idea it would last so long. It is getting better week by week. When I think back to where I was on my birthday, October 31rst, I could barely eat at all and was restricted to liquids. Now at least I have felt hungry a few times and have heard some stomach rumblings. My current difficulty is that when I feel hungry I want so bad to eat foods I have been missing and then this leads to a setback. I feel I take one step forward, and then two steps back. I have gone through this twice this week (desiring foods I am missing) and I need to come up with a plan not to let it occur again. For example, on Saturday we drove back to Vermont from Massachusetts. As I mentioned, I had taken it easy over Thanksgiving and my whole stay in Massachusetts to let my digestion return to normalcy. And sure enough, driving back to Vermont, I commented with glee to Mike, “I’m hungry”! He looked at me with wide eyes, “You are??!” he responded. “What are you going to have for dinner?” he asked.

Despite his encouraging me not to, I decided to have a salad. Salads, of all varieties, are one of my favorite meals. It being November, I wanted to make one of my most liked Autumn selections: spinach with dried cranberries, caramelized onions, maple pecans, goat cheese, and a warm garlic vinaigrette.”Are you sure you want to eat that?” Mike asked me again.  “Yes!” I nearly shouted. “I have not had a salad for six weeks and I want one soooooo badly!” I exclaimed.

And indeed it was scrumptious. I oooed and awed at each bite, commenting I had forgotten what I had missed out on. It was certainly the best meal I have had in weeks.  I could feel the meal going down well, to my absolute delight.

But I paid the price. The next day, hoping for continued normalcy, I ate three meals ending with a dinner of roasted root vegetables and Greek Moussaka. As opposed to last night meal, I could tell this one did not go down so well. And sure enough, Monday morning I could feel the “stuckness” and my daily diet consisted of a yogurt and soup broth, neither which I felt like I really needed: I just ate them out of the inclination that I should at least consume some calories each day.

However, I said I am taking one step forward and two steps back. On Tuesday, by 2 p.m. (breakfast was juice and a latte) I felt some stomach grumblings. I spoon fed myself a pineapple smoothie. Just two hours later(!) there was some more grumblings. Impressed, I slowly munched on a few animal crackers. When it came around to dinner time, I decided to have cooked spinach with olives, sun dried tomatoes, garlic and balsamic vinegar. This may have gone down okay. However, I daringly added two “Digestivs” (crackers from England, a sort of cross between a graham cracker and a whole grain cracker) and two slices of extra sharp Vermont cheddar. As usual, Mike looked over at me and cautiously said, “Sweetie, are you sure you’re not overdoing it?”  I am not sure what I responded, but I admit, I was thinking along the same lines. Sure enough, an hour later feeling bloated and slightly nauseous, I said to Mike, “Shoot! I really need to be careful even when my stomach does start to feel normal again!” He looked over at me and laughed, with that “I told you so look”.

Now it is the next day and after drinking an eggnog latte and feeling more than slightly nauseous  and remarkably bloated, I am preparing myself for a full liquid diet.= for several weeks. I am beginning to realize I am jumping too quickly to solid foods and high fatty foods. To return to more consistent digestive normalcy, I need to add foods into my diet more slowly. And that is why I titled this chapter “two crackers”. Two crackers are sitting in my stomach (maybe playing with some cheddar) not knowing where to go, or how long they will stay. . . .